Today, I am 3 years post Explant.
On January 9th 2019, I under went explant surgery , full enbloc, no lift, no fat transfer. One of the biggest and easiest decisions I had to make in a really long time…Heres why.
In 2016 I started to notice that I was having a lot of brain fog. My recollection of things and occurrences wasn’t great and at 32 years young, I should be as sharp as a whip. But I wasn’t. Granted, I was going through a lot in my personal life and thus had a lot on my mind, but something was off. Fast forward a couple of years and things were getting worse. Brain fog was in full force, my memory was fading, I was having trouble remembering words and anything really that was going on in my life. I was suffering from constant migraines that were occurring weekly if not multiple times a week, headaches every- single -day!. It was horrible really, but I never put 2 and 2 together that something in my body could be causing all of this. At this point it was 2018, and I was already considering downsizing my implants. They were my 4th set in 15 years of having implants and at 500cc, they was just not practical anymore.
I remember posting about wanting to downsize my implants on Instagram and someone reached out and asked me if I had heard of BII ( Breast Implant Illness). At the time I had not, so I quickly jumped to google and found a few amazing Facebook pages and a ton of information on it. When I started reading the symptoms that these women were experiencing I could not believe it. It resonated with me on every level. I had that “ah-ha” moment where I instantly knew “THIS is what I need to do”.
500cc silicone gel implants
I consider myself a pretty healthy person. I was strictly vegan for 3 years, use all natural cleaning products and household products, I eat organic, I do my best to reduce my carbon footprint, you know… Health conscious yet balanced; but I never even thought about these plastic bags in my body and what they could be doing to my health. I was shocked and profoundly excited at what I had discovered because I felt like I found the reason behind all of my strange symptoms. I was grateful that someone shared this with me when they did. After reading stories upon stories from women all over the world, all different ages, with these crippling symptoms and misdiagnoses , I felt like I was one of the lucky ones. Lucky that I caught this when I did and had possibly discovered the answer to what was going on with me.
I remember telling Danielle about BII and that I was going to remove my implants. I remember her being super supportive but really worried as to how confident and sure I was of this decision I had made practically overnight. I’ve had large breasts for the past 15 years my life. I LOVED my boobs, and so did she, but you know what she loves even more? ME, and a healthy me at that! I can’t tell you what am amazing feeling it was to be able to make that decision for myself and not feel like I needed to ask permission, or worry what my partner would think of my decision OR of me with no boobs… I’m grateful to have her in my life.. She’s my person and I love her for loving ME unconditionally!
I quickly started taking notes and researching doctors and information. I found a list of the top rated Explant doctors and ended up choosing Dr Lu-Jean Feng who is located in Ohio (at the time I was living in NY). I chose her for many reasons 1. she is Vegan and has a vegan and raw food cafe at her clinic. I read how nutrition played a huge part in the healing and detoxing process after explant and liked that I would have full access to the cafe and her amazing food after surgery. 2. She believes in natural medicine combining eastern and western beliefs and practices 3. Some of the other people who have gone to her have been “ high profile” clients and I too wanted the best of the best. 4. Her before and after pictures. And 5. she was much closer to me than flying all the way to California to see a different surgeon and I just felt like she was the perfect fit for me.
I’m very happy with my choice. Dr Feng is amazing. Her clinic is immaculate, the staff was super friendly and made me feel comfortable at all times, her attention to detail and the amount of time she took at my pre-op really made an impression on me. The fact that her clinic also has a spa and a cafe all under one roof was also a great feature. It’s because of her reputation and work that she is booked up for months in advance. I scheduled my surgery in August 2018 and had my surgery January 9th 2019, and it was well worth the wait.
Below is a passage I wrote prior to my explant that I found on my phone. Some is repetitive to what I wrote above but noteworthy.
“Explant : 1/6/19
In 3 days , I say farewell to something that has given me so much confidence and been a “part of me” since I was 18 years old… my breast implants.
Time and maturity are an interesting thing. There was a time in my life when I felt like boobs gave me power. Where I felt like I needed them to be attractive and to be accepted… to fit in. Now at 33 years old, I’ve reached a place where I am comfortable in my skin. I don’t feel that I need D’s to feel sexy anymore and I can give 2 poops if I’m “accepted” by societal norm or not. But it didn’t happen over night. I didn’t get here without having gone through all that I did. For me, it took having implants first in order to get to a place where I’m ready and able to remove them completely.
I found out about Breast Implant Illness on Instagram. I had already planned on going smaller with my implants the following year but had no idea about all of the women who had been suffering and claiming it’s caused by their implants. The more and more I read, I instantly knew I had to remove mine. For almost 2.5 years I’ve noticed a change in my mental and physical health. On the list of BII symptoms, I related to nearly 3/4 of them and consider myself really lucky to have found out while my symptoms were still somewhat mild.
Long story short, I remove them Wednesday and I’m terrified and excited all at the same time. This surgery isn’t like any I’ve had in the past. Usually when you get cosmetic surgery, there’s instant gratification after. Explanting is certainly instant but not very gratifying, to me anyway. I LOVE my boobs, even more so after kids. I do feel sexy with them and I feel so womanly not wearing a bra and being free. If it wasn’t for my health and all thats come out and being discovered about about how toxic implants are, I don’t know if I would be removing them. I don’t know if I’ll need a lift or not. I’ve never had one- I’ll find out on Tuesday for my pre-op appointment.
To answer some of your questions and speculation- No, I won’t be getting small implants put in and No, I won’t be getting fat transfer at this time either. My surgeon won’t even do fat transfer at the time she’s explanting. I’m simply removing them completely and will wait to see how I feel and heal over the next year. I’m totally open to fat transfer only if I am not happy with how I look, but Im going to give my body a chance to heal on it own first.
Anyway, that’s it. I’m scared, I’m excited , and I appreciate all the love and support from my family, friends and complete strangers online . As always, I’m an open book and will share my experience raw and candidly.”
Today was my pre op appointment with my dr @drlujeanfeng. I was there for 3 hours. We did blood work, a breathing test to see how well my lungs are functioning, then spoke about my symptoms and on to my boobs. The facility is amazing. I can’t even begin to explain how welcoming the staff was and how immaculate the facility is. This was the first time I met Dr Feng as she’s located in Cleveland, I booked her purely off of reviews from other girls who have explanted with her, reading about her procedure and the importance of complete en bloc capsulectomy and hearing their experiences with her.
Quick update : I don’t need a lift which is exciting news as it saves me close to $8k alone. I initially wanted one because I was fearful of loose skin, but she assured me I didn’t qualify for it, so I’m trusting her judgement. Clearly she knows what she’s talking about.
I go in first thing tomorrow. I’m feeling pretty calm and excited at the same time. I told @danielletortorello Today, that I feel like I’m just along for the ride. Like I’m following my gut as if it’s leading the way. I hope that makes sense.
I did it!!! My 9 year old, 500cc silicone gel breast implants are removed and the first thing I noticed was how well I could breathe! I went in at 6:15am. My surgery took almost 3 hours. One implant had capsular contracture which I didn’t even know I had and a lot of scar tissue attached to my ribs. @drlujeanfeng did a complete enbloc , meaning the entire capsule was intact and explanted. So important when having your implants removed.
I woke up smiling and asked if I could put on music LOL. I was still so high from surgery but put on an album called Revival, Vancouver sleep clinic!! Check them out. Anyway, I’m so so honored and grateful for the support and love around this. I was really prepared for this surgery. It was a decision I made completely on my own and knew I had to do it. My health was being jeopardized..It also helped a lot that my partner was super supportive of my decision and just wanted me to be healthy and happy @danielletortorello . I didn’t cry at all on my surgery day , or after for that matter. I took deep breaths and knew I was on the road to recovery. Everyone’s experience and choice to explant is different. Some girls are really really sick. I consider myself lucky as have found out about #BII and decide to explant while my symptoms were somewhat mild. Some girls are super emotional , but for me, this is a happy time in my life. I’m proud of myself for my bravery and courage to get rid of something that had brought me joy and confidence for so many years. 15 years to be exact. I say this a lot because I don’t want girls with implants to feel a type of way about their implants or choice to keep them. I LOVED my boobs. They were beautiful and big and great while they lasted. But once I started to feel a decline in my health, their vacation in my body was over and it was time for them to go. I have drains in now and hope to get them out by Saturday.
Well!!! Here it is. My not so “big” reveal of my new “old” self. Hahah. I couldn’t wait to use that phrase.
I’m 1 week post op and feel really good and I’m loving my little itty bitties so far!!( recap- my implants were 9 years old and 500cc silicone under the muscle )
I’m sore but haven’t taken any narcotics for pain during this entire process and haven’t taken anything since I arrived home from Ohio. I still need to wear this compression / ace bandage to keep everything compressed so fluid doesn’t build up in the space where my implants once were. Im told this is the worst they will look, and once the bandages can come off, the tissue will “fluff” and not be so pressed or flattened.
Once my implants came out – I instantly noticed how well I could breathe despite being tightly wrapped. Probably the deepest breathe I’ve taken in years. I had no idea it was even effecting my ability to breathe. I was also told, one of my implants had capsular contracture which is a hardening of the capsule surrounding the implant which you can see in one of the images once you swipe and a lot of scar tissue attached to my ribs
Since then, I haven’t had one single headache or migraine which I used to suffer from daily.. literally every single day of my life for years!!! I’m keeping track of the differences I see and feel and will update in post soon.
I still can’t lift my arms up, or push or pull but I’m much more mobile now then I was. I needed to have muscle repair since my implants were placed under the muscle for 15 years. This healing process takes much longer than just removing the implants. Little by little I’m seeing and feeling the positive effects of not having implants in my body that were effecting my health. I’m grateful for my platform to be able to share this journey with you and appreciate the constant support and love from all of you.
Eager to see my progress in the weeks to come.
Again, my amazing dr is @drlujeanfeng .
I did not need a lift and I did not do fat transfer
It’s almost been 2 weeks since I removed my 500cc silicone gel implants completely.
To recap for those who may not have read : I first got implants when I was 18 years old. I saved all my money and bought them myself my first year of college. In middle school, I was teased and quite frankly, tormented for being “flat as a board”. I still can recall the kids (mainly boys) who called me names and teased me about it. It effected me deeply and all I wanted when I turned 18 was to have boobs. That was 15 years ago.
Since then, I underwent 4 breast augmentations , 2 of which were reconstructive. My last set I had for 9 years and 6 years in is when I started noticing a negative change in my health both mental and physical.
After having my boys, I was planning to go smaller as I was measuring in at a 32D-DD and just didn’t feel the need to have them so big anymore. It fit that time period and a time in my life when bigger was better for everything. But then I discovered @breast_implant_illness through some girls on social media and after looking into it more, I instantly knew I needed to remove them. It just came to a point where it was jeopardizing my health and really started to worry me, not to mention suffering from headaches daily and migraines weekly. It was progressively getting worse as the months went on.
Skip forward 4 months and here I am, standing before the internet to see and judge my bare body, and for the first time I feel truly “naked” and vulnerable. But, at the same time I have never felt so beautiful, womanly and comfortable in my own skin as I do today.
Breast implants and explanting is equally a personal choice and I am certainly not here to judge you or your decisions to have, keep or expel of them. Sharing is caring and knowledge is power. What’s most important to me about sharing my story of #explanting is so if and when you begin to not feel 100, you have something that you could look into. For all the people who suffer and doctors don’t have an answer, for all the misdiagnosing and for anyone who has implants to just be aware.
Why when we compliment ourselves are we made to feel ashamed or bad about it?
A couple of weeks ago my friend @synergysoul_ spoke about doing an intense selflove exercise which consisted of looking at yourself in the mirror straight in your own eyes and telling yourself things you love about you. My first reaction was – well shit, I’ve never done that… kinda made me feel uncomfortable , almost intimidated. Well, after my shower the other day I decided to give it a try. Standing there in my naked body staring at myself I gazed until I was calm. I started to feel like I was staring at an old friend. So familiar yet such a stranger. I opened my mouth and told myself I was beautiful ..I felt the tears begin to fill in my eyes. I opened my mouth again and let the words flow. I told myself things I’ve never said to myself before, it actually shocked me. It was almost like confirmation of someone else saying it to me , even though it was me who was speaking. I cried like a baby. I saw me for all that I am in that very moment and grew to love myself so much more. I gave myself so much appreciation for everything I’ve gone through, everything I’m going through and for the person I have become because of it all. I thanked myself for my bravery and courage and gave myself recognition for my accomplishments and so many things I often over look. The validation was all mine. This was an amazing exercise and I’m grateful to now know about it. I encourage you to give it a try and see what comes of it. Like Brittany told me , “ just let it flow” .
Explant update :Today marks 3 weeks since my explant surgery and I feel great. I’m still wrapping myself with my ace bandage and compression bra, but since my implant removal , I haven’t suffered from a headache or migraine. I notice my body is less inflamed. My eyes brighter, my hands smaller to the point where my rings are a bit loose. I’ve noticed less brain fog and better recollection of my day or past days / memory. I’m not stumbling over my words , I can breathe so deeply now it’s amazing. My energy seemed low the first 2 weeks which made me concerned at first, but now in my 3rd week I feel much more energy and stamina.
Explant update 
Yesterday marked 1 month since my explant surgery with @drlujeanfeng . All the tape and bandages are off and my scar is starting to heal and fade. I clean it 2x a day with witch hazel and I’ve been using an all natural scar cream by Wild Thera. The changes I have started to see and feel are pretty huge (for me) but there’s still detoxing and healing to do. I had those HUGE 500cc silicone implants in my body for 9 years. However, I’ve had implants in my body for a total of 15 years (4 breast augmentations total). I understand it will take time to truly undo all the damage and trauma my body has gone through in fighting these things for so long. I haven’t woken up with one headache since the removal and I have not had 1 migraine since. I used to suffer daily with headaches that knocked the energy out of me and migraines weekly. I can also breathe deeply. I can physically feel the difference in my ribs and lungs and am able for the first time in years take a FULL deep breath. I didn’t even know my breathing was effected. Before my surgery I took a breathing test with my Dr , and according to the test- my lungs were the age of a 67 year old. She’s conducting this test to publish to prove implants are negatively effecting our breathing amongst other things. I will go back for a follow up in a couple of months and retest post explant. I have noticed I have more energy also and am able to get more done in a day than I use to. My skin is clearing up, my eyes look clearer,my body is not as inflamed, I’m not winded doing cardio or going up stairs. My memory and focus has improved…there’s been so many positives.I can’t say one negative thing from explanting. No regrets. I’m so happy and am enjoying flaunting my itty bitties. I actually feel more confident and womynly now with my smaller chest then I did with my DD’s. Ironic huh?! Because I got implants in the first place for being made fun of in school for being flat chested. I love my body and my scars so much now. But I wouldn’t have changed my journey here. I don’t regret my implants, they brought me to where I am today, And who I am today. And this person right here-I frikkin LOVE! #explantsurgery
Last night @danielletortorello and I celebrated our Birthdays (2.17 & 2.22) with friends and family in NYC. It was the first time I was going out to a club after my implant removal. I felt a little discouraged when trying to find something to wear. It still hurts my scars to throw on a bra, and I just didn’t know what to do. So, I chose the lowest, tightest shirt I owned and said “F$&k IT! I’m just going for it and I’m owning it”… Honestly,I felt so confident and sexy in my own skin rocking my itty bitties, even Danielle has been “impressed” with how well I’ve handled the drastic change. (Love you babe, you’ve been so supportive). It’s the craziest realization. At one point in my life I needed (or thought I needed) these implants to feel confident and sexy, and at that time- I truly did. But having had implants got me to this confident place where I KNEW I no longer needed them to feel that way. How ironic is that! Grateful for the experience and growth 
I get messages from girls daily about their implants . They feel horrible but are scared to remove them, scared they won’t feel sexy, scared their partners won’t find them attractive, scared they will have saggy socks as boobs… the list goes on. All are valid fears of removing something from yourself that at one point had brought so much confidence. I speak from experience as many of you know. What I can say having #explanted 7 weeks ago is, I have never felt more comfortable in my own skin than I do today. I LOVE my body and appreciate it so much more than I ever have. I feel like a broken record when I speak about explanting and this whole journey, but it’s super important for me to get the message out to anyone who it relates to. I do NOT regret my implants, your fears are valid , I’m not here telling you you should or shouldn’t get implants, but you should know the possible effects it can have on you. Do your research, read up on what’s been going on…. I’ve been enjoying celebrating my body and my health; still healing, but I have 0 regrets.
My dr is @drlujeanfeng and I HIGHLY recommend going to her.
Now, 1 year post surgery, I can still sit here and say that I don’t have ANY regrets. I have not shed 1 tear in regard to the removal of my implants and although sometimes I miss how easy bikini shopping was, and filling out a triangle top…I don’t want them. I LOVE my natural breasts. I love not wearing a bra. I love being able to wear deep V tops and have “top model vibes” instead of “ too risqué, not appropriate vibes”. I love how deep I can breathe and how much better I feel. My headaches are GONE.. minus of course if I don’t eat, or i’m dehydrated… but those are reasons. My random and constant migraines are GONE. My skin has cleared up completely. I have been able to lose weight faster and feel and look less bloated. On top of all of that, I FEEL sexier now then I did with my big implants! I swear!! I walk into a room with my itty bitty and I don’t give a hoot who looks or what they are thinking. I feel super confident in who I am and how I look and if you called me “flat chested” today, I would laugh in your face. Truly. WHO CARES!
I have toyed with looking into fat transfer to my breast this year. My surgeon told me to wait a year to heal and see how everything looks. I love them. I do. They are cute and I love the shape. BUT, I have an indent towards the top of my breasts from where the implants sat. Its probably one of the only things that somewhat bother me about them. The thought though of having to go under anesthesia again freaks me out. So, I did some research and found a place here in Miami that does fat transfer under twilight. I haven’t called yet or booked a consult, but I’m thinking to do it this summer when the boys visit their dad again. ( may be postponed bc of RONA)
Below is some info and Resources:
Below are the top 2 Facebook pages that helped me with a plethora of information and a first hand look at explant surgery and recovery.
Breast implant Illness and Healing By Nicole & Breast Implant Illness and Recovery.
Dr Feng also has a page for her patients : Dr. Lu-Jean Feng Explant Support Group
We stayed at the AC Hotel Cleveland Beachwood. Its in a brand new shopping center with a movie theater, shops and restaurants. The whole area is new including the hotel. We had a really nice experience there.
2.16.20 Update
Well, I didn’t get around to posting my blog on time so I thought I’d add a few more things to this post before publishing it.
Bra shopping is annoying! The good thing is, I don’t really have to or want to wear a bra anymore . But, I have done some shopping and with trial and error, I found a few styles that work with tiny bubbies in the event I want to wear a bra. I also found a few pads and inserts that work with bathing suits.
CLICK the images to be taken directly to the websites.
This worked really well for deep V dresses or shirts. I added in the sticky silicone pushup pads to help give me a boost.
These have been my favorite purchase. Ive stuck them in my bra, bikini top etc and they stick really well. I like these because they don’t make you sweat since they are fabric.
These are super soft and can be added with the sticky bra and they actually stay. These are not those firm silicone shapes that can’t be molded to your boob or body. I love these.
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